I read this again last night and tonight: http://randomrants08.blogspot.com/2012/11/sunday-soccer.html It makes me happy. Maybe not happy. It comforts me. Maybe that isn't the right word either. It does something.
But how did I get there? What was it that brought me to that place, that group, that time? How did I, all of those years ago, end up at a park that most people can't spell, during the hottest part of the day in the summer, with a group of people I had never met before, some of whom are now young enough to be my kids?
Its been 36 years or so since I first kicked a ball. 36 years falls, winters, springs and summers of chasing a round ball on a big field. For a while, the point was to kick the ball into the other team's goal. Lately, the point has been to run around a big field, run my mouth, teach the kids, and enjoy that 90 minutes when no one can bother me, no one can bug me, no problems can exist.
My dad started my soccer playing. He taught me the basics. How to kick a ball. How to trap a ball. How to play the game.
My teammates taught me more. They taught me how to play together. They taught me how to work as a group to achieve a common goal. They reminded me that it wasn't what happened, as much as that it happened. I look back, fondly, on the time I played with my team.
We were young. We were small. I don't know if we fully appreciated the sacrifices our parents made so we could play. We traveled a lot.We made memories, memories that we did not fully appreciate until we were older. Now, in our late 30s, early 40s, we have reconnected and rekindled those memories.
Now, soccer is a connection between my son and I. All of them. They all played. And while only my middle son continues to play, I can still talk soccer with any of them. Even my daughter, at age 3, will talk soccer with me. Its great.
But, it is so much more. Sunday, I went to my soccer game. I was grumpy. I was not in a good mood at all. I got there. I started to warm up. A guy drove up. He did something (I can't share what he did since some people may not approve of it.) Immediately, I broke into laughter. He laughed. It lightened the mood. It started putting me in a better mood. I realized that no matter what happens, for that 90 minutes a week, there are no problems. There can't be problems. I simply can't worry about the rest of the world when grown men are kicking a ball at me, running at me, and putting a shoulder into me. Well, I could, but that would probably result in me getting hurt.
Today, I had practice for my U14 team. We had a guest show up. He plays with me. He is getting ready to tryout for a professional team. My boys, wonderfully, stepped up to the challenge. We had a great practice. The music was playing. The boys were running. The old coach (me) got into the goal and started making saves. We scrimmaged. We ran. We did drills that I haven't done since I was 11 years old playing for the Freehold Thunder.
Soccer connects me to my dad. It connects me to my kids. It connects me to guys I haven't seen in over 25 years. It connects me to guys I see every week, guys from the US, and guys from around the world. Soccer gives me a few hours a week where my problems simply disappear.
So thank you. Thank you to the guys who grew up playing with me. Thank you to the kids I have coached. Thank you to the guys who play with me now, putting up with my mouth, my jokes, both appropriate and not so appropriate, and my decreasing skill! Thank you to soccer!
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Friday, September 6, 2013
An Open Letter to My Middle Son
Dear Son:
I love you. Always remember that.
I have tried to talk to you, but you don't always want to listen. This isn't surprising, I didn't always want to listen to my dad either. Why didn't I listen? I knew I was smarter than my dad. I knew he had no idea what I was going through. Oh, and I was stubborn.
Do you know why you don't listen to me? You know you are smarter than me. You know that I have no idea what you are going through. Oh, and you are stubborn.
Guess what? You are also wrong. How do I know this? I was also wrong. I know. It is stunning to hear. It stunned me when I learned I was wrong. But, it happened. I was older than you, but I realized it.
One day, I was in college. I asked my dad about a problem I was working on in economics. He closed his eyes, as he did, and a few seconds later, he gave me an answer. There was no way he could be right. You needed a book with a table to get the answer - or a computer. He had neither. He couldn't be right. Except, you know what? He nailed it. His answer was perfect. He couldn't tell me how he did it or how to get the right answer. But he got it. At that moment, my son, I realized that I was wrong.
You and I have talked about how smart my dad was. You know I think he is the smartest man I have ever met. And, quite frankly, its not even close. But, what you don't know, is that I didn't realize that at 11 or 12 or 13. I didn't realize that until I was 20.
My dad and I sat outside one day, talking. We were at Del Mar, where I learned to boogie board, and where you now learned to boogie board. He looked at me and said "I know its harder for you growing up than it was for me." I didn't understand. So I asked him. He said "Each generation it gets harder. My generation had to deal with a war, but that was about it. You have cigarettes, drugs and things like that to deal with. Those weren't problems when I was a kid. I know that its harder for you, but you can always talk to me."
Guess what, my son? I know its harder for you growing up than it was for me. You have drugs to worry about. You have cell phones, Facebook, text messages. Kids talk about things much faster than they did when I was a kid. I know its hard. But, you can always talk to me.
I know school is hard. It was hard for me. I know its tough when you are the smallest in your class. I, too, was small. I know middle school isn't easy. There is more work. There are new kids, more kids, different kids. There is puberty and all of those hormones. And there are girls! Its hard, dude. I get it.
But you know what would make it easier? If you would give in, just a little, and listen to mommy and I. We have been through middle school. We both survived. We do know what we are talking about. We just want to help you and see you succeed. I promise it won't hurt.
Give it a try, my son. You know how I tell you I am a lot like my dad? I am. But this is one way I am different. My dad helped me when I got to high school. I will tell you that story when you are older. But, in middle school, my mom and dad didn't support me like your mom and I support you. My dad was still traveling and my mom was working. Looking back, I wish they had been around more, like your mom and I are around for you. That is the biggest reason I work for myself - so I can be there for you.
Let us help you. Then, one day, you will look back and tell your kids about how they are not smarter than you, even if they think they are!
Love,
Dad
I love you. Always remember that.
I have tried to talk to you, but you don't always want to listen. This isn't surprising, I didn't always want to listen to my dad either. Why didn't I listen? I knew I was smarter than my dad. I knew he had no idea what I was going through. Oh, and I was stubborn.
Do you know why you don't listen to me? You know you are smarter than me. You know that I have no idea what you are going through. Oh, and you are stubborn.
Guess what? You are also wrong. How do I know this? I was also wrong. I know. It is stunning to hear. It stunned me when I learned I was wrong. But, it happened. I was older than you, but I realized it.
One day, I was in college. I asked my dad about a problem I was working on in economics. He closed his eyes, as he did, and a few seconds later, he gave me an answer. There was no way he could be right. You needed a book with a table to get the answer - or a computer. He had neither. He couldn't be right. Except, you know what? He nailed it. His answer was perfect. He couldn't tell me how he did it or how to get the right answer. But he got it. At that moment, my son, I realized that I was wrong.
You and I have talked about how smart my dad was. You know I think he is the smartest man I have ever met. And, quite frankly, its not even close. But, what you don't know, is that I didn't realize that at 11 or 12 or 13. I didn't realize that until I was 20.
My dad and I sat outside one day, talking. We were at Del Mar, where I learned to boogie board, and where you now learned to boogie board. He looked at me and said "I know its harder for you growing up than it was for me." I didn't understand. So I asked him. He said "Each generation it gets harder. My generation had to deal with a war, but that was about it. You have cigarettes, drugs and things like that to deal with. Those weren't problems when I was a kid. I know that its harder for you, but you can always talk to me."
Guess what, my son? I know its harder for you growing up than it was for me. You have drugs to worry about. You have cell phones, Facebook, text messages. Kids talk about things much faster than they did when I was a kid. I know its hard. But, you can always talk to me.
I know school is hard. It was hard for me. I know its tough when you are the smallest in your class. I, too, was small. I know middle school isn't easy. There is more work. There are new kids, more kids, different kids. There is puberty and all of those hormones. And there are girls! Its hard, dude. I get it.
But you know what would make it easier? If you would give in, just a little, and listen to mommy and I. We have been through middle school. We both survived. We do know what we are talking about. We just want to help you and see you succeed. I promise it won't hurt.
Give it a try, my son. You know how I tell you I am a lot like my dad? I am. But this is one way I am different. My dad helped me when I got to high school. I will tell you that story when you are older. But, in middle school, my mom and dad didn't support me like your mom and I support you. My dad was still traveling and my mom was working. Looking back, I wish they had been around more, like your mom and I are around for you. That is the biggest reason I work for myself - so I can be there for you.
Let us help you. Then, one day, you will look back and tell your kids about how they are not smarter than you, even if they think they are!
Love,
Dad
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