No More Tears

Its a great concept. It doesn't work in reality. (Okay, so it does, but that is only in my world. I still say No More Tears shampoo doesn't make you cry, but more and more people seem to disagree with me. Maybe its nostalgia on my part?)

Today, we went to the cemetery. Cemeteries are interesting places. First, I stopped to see my grandparents. My grandmother passed away in 1992. She was in her early 80s. My grandfather lived to almost 94. He passed away two months after my dad did. I had no idea he lived to be that old. I mean, I knew he lived until 2002, but I didn't realize he was that old when he passed away. I stood with my boys for a minute and Miles rubbed my back. He is a good kid. I told them a bit about my grandfather, but none of the good stories yet. They are probably too young to hear mafia stories or about my grandfather eating horse. Maybe they are old enough to hear about his boxing days, but I wasn't in the mood for that.

Then we went to visit my parents and my sister. My sister passed away 5 years ago. I guess I forgot when that was. It sounds weird, but for my family, it is normal. I miss her, but not in the usual way. I think if she was still here things may be different with my brother. But, probably not. Interestingly, she was 39 when she died - my age now. So young..........

Then I went to visit my parents. I have been to my dad's a few times. My mom is buried next to him. This was my first time back in 18 months. My brother apparently had an unveiling, or at least he put a gravestone up. It was different. I wasn't invited and I didn't really expect to be. But it would have been nice.

My boys were sad. They both said they wish they could have gotten to know my parents. It just wasn't in the cards, although I am sure my dad would see a lot of himself in Miles. I think my parents would see a lot of me in Kyle and that would have caused some frustration for them. Sad, but true.

There were tears today. I cried. My boys both had a few tears. But we left the cemetery and went to have lunch at a place my parents liked. Then we went to the beach, where I learned to boogie board 25 years ago. It brought back a lot of memories. I know I cannot go back in the past. I just need to move forward, remembering it, cherishing the memories, passing on the traditions and the story, all in time.

For now, its no more tears...................