On Regrets

I was driving home today and saw a double rainbow. Ever see a double rainbow? Of course you have. You haven't seen the leprechaun at the end of the rainbow. He doesn't exist. But you have seen a double rainbow. Its not like its that uncommon.

Anyway, I was driving home and saw a double rainbow. Then I had the SiriusXM on the radio and heard some songs from my youth. Fine, I was listening to 80s on 8. Its all of my youth. Remember, it was 1st grade through high school for me. So it pretty much covered my childhood. I don't remember what song came on. Maybe it was when I was flipping back to "terrestrial radio" and heard an ad for Gordon Lightfoot. (If you don't know who he is, listen to his best song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jqMG3VR5PP4) Anyway, whatever it was, made me think of my childhood. Then I thought about what regrets I have had in the last almost 40 years.

I decided I have two regrets. Regret 1: I didn't get down to San Diego when my dad was in the hospital 9 years ago. He called me a few days after my birthday. He was in the hospital with a stomach obstruction. (Okay, so it wasn't quite the stomach, but you don't want the details.) The message was that he would be out in a day. It wasn't that big of a deal. Its worse. Not only did I not go down there, I didn't call back. And what happened? He died. You want a regret in life? Don't get back to see your parent before he/she dies when you know they are in the hospital. Sucks is an understatement. Fucking sucks is an understatement. The crappiest feeling in the world? Not even close to how this feels. So that is my biggest regret.

Regret 2: Not standing up for myself when I was younger. Nothing specific here. Just not standing up for myself when I had the chance. I could have on numerous occasions. I didn't. Ever. Those of you who know me now are probably surprised that I didn't speak up. But I didn't. Lack of self confidence? Being short enough to have my own TLC show? I don't know what it was. But I do know I didn't stand up for myself. Kind of sucks. A lot. I wish I had.

Of course, now I stand up for the little people, and no, not the people on that crappy TLC show. Those people make enough money for exploiting their lack of height that I don't really consider them the little people anymore. Anyone say 1%? I stand up for the people who have no one else who stands up for them. I think this is why. I finally figured it out. I stand up for people who are being taken advantage of by others. So I guess something good came out of regret 2, although I still wish I had done it.

As for regret 1, I learned from my mistake. When my mom called me and said she was dying, I flew down to San Diego. I wasn't going to make that same mistake twice. I couldn't live with myself if I did. So I guess something good came out of that as well. Although, its a crappy lesson to have to learn for oneself.

So there you go. Two regrets. Nothing more, nothing less. I did things I am not proud of. I have hurt people I love. I have hurt people I care about. I haven't always made the right decision. But I don't regret those things. I learned from them. I grew as a person. I am sorry if you are reading this and you are one of the people I hurt. I do apologize. But I do not have regrets. I am moving forward with these two regrets which will shape my life more than I could have known at the time.