Fathers and Sons

Let me preface this by saying I don't understand the relationship between mothers and daughters. I am neither mother nor daughter. So I can only talk about what I know. Yes, I know. Sometimes I just make crap up and some of its funny. Some of it is insulting. I get that. But this is about something I know - fathers and sons.

The relationship between a father and son is......................something. Special? Sounds too cliche? Different? Probably, but different than what? Unique? Probably. After all, mothers and daughters don't have all of that testosterone running through them. But there is something about that relationship.

So tonight I was at Rubio's to get dinner. There were two sets of fathers and sons that I saw. Father and Son A were there for dinner. As they walked in, the son was on his Crackberry. Dad held the door for the son. (Just so we are clear, dad was in his early 60s and the son was late 20s.) The son was standing in line in front of the father. The son walked up to the cash register to order. Dad stood in line. The son then ordered his dinner. Then he paid. Then he walked to a table. Then dad walked up and ordered. Paid. Sat down at the table. They called the son's name and he went to get his food. Then they called the dad's name and dad got his food.

WTF is wrong with this kid? Kid is probably not accurate. WTF is wrong with this mid 20s douche? He isn't even good enough to be a douche bag. Your dad is around for like 40 years of your life. Maybe. When he is gone, he is gone. That's it. Of your 40 years, maybe 20 are years when you can do something cool with him.

Those first few years are formative, or something like that. But you can't take dad to dinner. Then you go through that 10 to 18 range where you may not want to be seen with dad, you dont want to hang out with him, and even if you do, you can't afford to treat him. So dad spends his money on you. Great, its his "job" I guess. Then you are 18 to 24 and in college and poor, probably because you spent most of your money on alcohol - or worse. Then at about 25, you are finally working, have some money and can take dad to dinner.

Now you get the chance and YOU DON'T PAY? What is wrong with you? You had a Yves Saint Laurent wallet and you don't pay for dinner with pops? By the way, what man carries Yves Saint Laurent? Seriously? What's next? Are you going to wear UGG boots? Are you going to put on some lipstick? Sorry, off the point. You dropped $100 on a wallet and you don't buy dad dinner? Are you freaking serious?

Then, after I order, I sat down and waited for my food. I look up and there is a dad and his son in his late teens, early 20s. It was hard to tell and the kid was big. It looks normal and then I notice dad is feeding his kid. Yep, the kid was special, different, unique. Whatever you want to call it. Dad needed to help his kid eat. The kid needed dad. You can bet your butt that the kid would have loved the opportunity to do something for dad. But he can't and he won't. And that won't change.

It sucks. It sucks for dad. It sucks for the kid. Oh, don't give me this nonsense about how dad is doing something noble. Dad is being a dad. Trust me on that. And trust me - it sucks. I know my oldest son is never going to call me up and ask me to dinner. I know he isn't going to call me up and tell me about his new job. I understand that. I get it. And I deal with it, but it sucks. It sucks a lot. And those of us who are fathers of sons who are special know it. Some of us can admit it. Not everyone is that stage.

But you can bet that those of us who have been through this do appreciate our relationships with our fathers more. Well, as long as they are there. And when we don't have our dad to call anymore, we appreciate those relationships with our sons. I appreciate my two other sons more. I expect more from them as well. And fair or not, that is how it works.

But to all of you punks out there who carry Yves Saint Laurent murses or purses or whatever the hell it is - you sure as hell take your dad to dinner and pay for it. There are a lot of fathers and sons out there who will never experience that so man up and do it. Or turn in your man card you piece of crap.