Its Frickin Fast Food

I don't know about the rest of you, but once in a while I like me some good old fashioned fast food. I want two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onion on a sesame seed bun. I want some Of The Taco fries. Man, those are good. I do not, repeat, NOT, want that crazy King guy. Have you seen the newest commercial? He is running through an office breaking windows to give someone food. WTF? Seriously. Dude looks like Chester. Yes, I mean Chester the Molester. He is one scary looking big headed made up dude. Seriously, the King makes Jack look like a normal person. I expect to see the King on some Discovery Health show: "Really tall, scary looking, big headed people."

Anyway, tonight we hit the KFC. You know, this used to be called Kentucky Fried Chicken. Well, we have the KFC/A&W. I like the A&W. I am a big root beer fan. Root beer is good. Very, very good. Anyway, so they changed the name from Kentucky Fried Chicken to KFC to apparently appear healthier. Great. Good for them. Healthy is good. I appreciate a little good health once in a while. An apple a year keeps the doctor with fear. (Okay, not that funny, but its late and I am tired and still hungry.) But, this place was ridiculous tonight.

First, lets be clear. They call themselves quick serve restaurants. I call it fast food. The emphasis is on fast, not food. I like food. But if I wanted slow food, I would go to a sit down restaurant. You know, a place with lots of options, a waiter, tables, chairs and a price over $3.99 for a full meal. I want my food fast. Hence, the name fast food.

Second, I want what you have on your limited menu. Let's be honest about this: KFC has about 3 choices. Sure, I can get my chicken on a plate or in a sandwich, but its the same chicken. They throw it on mashed potatoes and call it a bowl. But its all just chicken. You either get it fried or you get it grilled. It is KFC after all. This one has burgers too, since it is also an A&W. But that limits it to about 5 choices. Its just a matter of how it is served. But it is still all the same.

So, tonight we went to get dinner. The misses wanted grilled chicken. Lets get a grilled chicken wrap. Okay. Easy enough. Mashed potatoes. Done with her. Um, we have a problem. They don't have grilled chicken. Huh? Doesn't that cut the menu in half. They have nothing with grilled chicken. Um, so we get a pot pie. Fine. I want some fancy box they have. Sure. It comes with grilled chicken. They have grilled chicken for that, but apparently they cannot put it in a wrap. Don't they have knives? Can't they cut the chicken up. Its KF CHICKEN! They do not have chicken? WTF?

Fine. So we finish ordering. We then go up and pay. She takes my money. Then she says "It is going to be 4 minutes. Is that okay?" Um, what the heck am I supposed to say now? No? You have my money, but it's not okay now. Seriously? Fine, I will wait. Oh, I need to go park? Sure. I am such a nice guy. I will go park.

2 minutes go by. 3 minutes. 4 minutes. 5 minutes. 6 minutes. This is ridiculous. I go in. Waiting, waiting, waiting.............finally someone comes up to the counter. Yes, you can help me. I placed an order and would like it. They go check. Oh, they are still working on it. Apparently the food was cooked - no one could put it in a box. Really? A box? It is not rocket science. I am pretty sure a 15 year old pimply kid with braces, greasy hair and bad BO can put the food in a box. How freaking hard can it be?

So finally they give me my food. Um, memo to KFC: It is fast chicken. Get some more chicken and make it fast. Otherwise, I have absolutely no reason to eat your food - ever. I could microwave a chicken breast and have it be better than waiting for bad chicken from people who can't put it in a box!