Some thoughts on my soccer

So today I played soccer. It is my regular Sunday soccer game. And when I got out there, as I was warming up, I thought "Am I done?"

You know they say that you are always the last one to know its time to hang up the cleats. It applies in every sport. Brett Favre. Dan Marino. Giorgio Chinaglia. It happens in every sport. And I thought maybe it was my time.

Then the game started. It was nothing different while I played. But the more I played, the less I enjoyed it. I probably should have quit early. But I didn't. I kept playing. And playing. And getting more and more frustrated. Maybe it was the whining. Maybe it was the piece of shit slide tackle. Maybe it was the guys who stand in front of the fucking goal. Maybe it was the guy who thought we played cherry picking soccer. I don't know.

But, maybe it was me. Maybe the game has just passed me by. Maybe at 40 it is my time to hang it up. Maybe I go with the fact that I had a good run. I have been playing 36 years. I have made quite a few friends. I have enjoyed most of those 36 years. I have great memories with my teammates. I have great memories with my dad. I have been fortunate to play in many states and see many different things.

One day, a few years ago, I realized I was no longer able to play competitive soccer. I just couldn't care enough about winning. I wasn't willing to do what some of these a-holes were doing. I wasn't going to recruit college players. I wasn't going to stack my team or bring in ringers. I was just going to play and enjoy the game. But when other people play like its the World Cup and you don't care anymore, you realize it is time to call an end to playing and worrying about winning.

Today struck me as one of those days. Maybe it is just too much. Maybe driving there and playing is not what I need. Maybe I need to fish more. Maybe I need to sit back and watch others play. Maybe I need to find another way to relieve my stress. I don't know. I do know this is the first time in 36 years I have thought about giving up the game.

I will take some time off. I will think about it. But, I do wonder if the fact that I am thinking about this is my subconscious' way of telling me it is time............