39 Acts

I posted a video to Facebook and twitter last week. It was my birthday topic. I don't know if topic is the right word. It was my birthday idea. Its what I did for my birthday. And it was simple (and borrowed): I did 39 acts of kindness for 39 people. Pretty simple. And it recently got me thinking about this.

My dad taught me about doing good deeds. He made sure he helped other people even when he may not have always had time. Maybe it was just a kind word to someone. Maybe it was slipping someone $20 because they were short. Maybe it was mentoring a young employee, even in a different company. Maybe it was spending time with a reporter to provide them with background so they understood a topic. He always tried to do good deeds.

I learned from that. Sometimes, however, I forgot it. It is easy to forget this. It is so simple, yet how many times do we actually do it? So I spent my birthday doing acts of kindness for others. It felt good.

As I sit tonight at home, after a long drive, and a lot of time to think, I wonder how many of us would spend our birthdays, or any day, doing things for strangers? Maybe its giving someone a $1 scratcher or buying a cup of coffee for them. Maybe its volunteering at your kid's school and filing papers for the office staff. Maybe its bringing balloons to the nursing home. Its easy to give these things lip service. Its harder to actually do them.

And I wonder, how many of our "public officials" would do them? Sure, they put on "events" but these events are election stunts. They do these things when there is a camera around or a newspaper reporter or a blogger or ..........well, you get the point. How many of them would do it just to do it and never say a word? Other than my wife, my neighbor and the principal of my kids' school, none of the people who received an act of kindness have any idea who I am. 36 people who received things without knowing who I am, why I did it or that it was something that was important to me. And that is how it should be.

I think I spent last week making the world a bit better. I know I made my town a bit better. I think that is what is important. I think my kids will be spending their birthdays doing it as well.

10 years

10 years ago today I got one of the two worst phone calls of my life. My mom called. My dad had died. He was in the hospital for a bowel obstruction. He called me and left me a message. I didn't call back because he was going to be home in a few days. It wasn't a big deal. Except, it was.

Since then, I have had two children, one, Miles, named for my dad. He reminds me so much of my dad. He even talks about getting his PhD. (Okay, so he doesn't call it his PhD but he wants to be Dr. Stein.) And, of course, my Brooklyn, my baby, my sweet girl.  My dad would like her so much.

So much has happened in the last 10 years. While he saw me graduate from law school, he died before I was admitted to the Bar. He wasn't there when I opened my own law firm. He missed the birth of my baby.

There have been good times and bad times. But, tonight, its not about sadness. Its about honoring my dad. I tried to make today a good day. I spent the day with my kids. I enjoyed their company. And, tonight, I will have a cold one for my dad.

To the best man I ever knew....to the smartest man I ever knew...to the man who taught me that being a man isn't about being the toughest guy or the biggest guy or the strongest guy, but being a man is about taking care of your responsibilities, be it your wife and kids, your friends, or, rarely, kicking someone's ass, about doing your best work the first time and about living your life according to what is right........I love you dad and I miss you. And this one is for you tonight.

God Bless you, dad.

On being a parent

I write this tonight at a strange point in my life, while I listen to Simon and Garfunkel, The Concert in Central Park. I watched this with my dad, every single time it was on PBS. I owned the tape, then the CD. Its on my iPod. I watch it, well listen to it, on Youtube. Thanks to whoever uploaded it in 5 easy to listen to parts. Why do I tell you this?

Lately, there has been this kid in the news, Tyrann Mathieu. They call him the Honey Badger. Seriously. That is his nickname. He is a football player, or was a football player, for LSU, that state school that is constantly competing for national championships in football. You see, Tyrann screwed up. He did something wrong, exactly what, we don't know. But he did something wrong. It probably involved drugs. He didn't do it once or twice, but three times. He got kicked out of school. He went into a rehab place. He has now re-enrolled in the school that kicked him out.

Let me get a few things clear from the beginning. I don't know this kid. Never met him. Watched him play football once or twice. He seems like a good kid. I think he is a good player. I believe in second chances and even third chances. I dont think LSU did anything wrong expelling him. I dont think the coach did anything wrong for kicking him off the team. I dont think his family did anything wrong getting him into rehab. I dont think the school did anything wrong in letting him back in. Give the kid another chance. He is just a kid, after all, and a kid who, if he screws up on a Saturday has to hear about it on tv, on the radio, in the newspaper, etc... all weekend. If he plays great, he hears what a hero he is all weekend. I cant imagine being him and that pressure.

So whats my beef? The media. Everyone from some podunk reporter in Louisiana to ESPN, the worldwide leader. Its not that they are covering this. I am sure its news, somehow. A kid in college who does drugs and gets kicked out? Sure. That doesnt happen every single day of the school year. It must be news. Oh wait, he plays football. So that makes it news. Yes, I get it.

What I don't get is why the media keeps calling his mom and dad his "adoptive mother" and his "adoptive father?" I have asked. Really. Check my twitter feed. I blasted people yesterday. I put it out on Facebook yesterday. Nothing. Not one single person got back to me with a real explanation as to why these folks are continually labeled with adoptive. Is that some sort of issue?

Seriously, I checked ESPN. 20 articles in the last couple of years describing people as "adoptive" parents. Zero describing someone as a biological parent. ZERO! That isn't twenty times more. Its an infinite number of times more. Do the math. Divide by zero. It doesn't work.

So I looked some more. Sylvester Stallone has lost two children. How many news articles referring to them as his biological children? ZERO. Over 500 referring to Tyrann's parents as his adoptive parents. You can't do that math. It just doesn't happen.

James Holmes murdered people in Colorado. How many news stories were there about his biological parents? None. Over 17,000 stories and none talk about his "biological parents." How many stories about murder talk about adoptive parents? Almost 1,000. Are adoptive parents second class citizens? Are we different?

We? Yes. I have 4 kids. I am the 3rd child of my parents. My mom and dad passed away. My mom died 18 months ago. My dad died almost 10 years ago. My parents had 3 kids. My brother and sister were adopted. I was a biological child. You know who my parents liked best? None of us. Okay, my mom probably liked my brother and sister better than me, but that had zero to do with how we came into her lives.

Of my 4 kids, three were adopted. All of my boys. My youngest is a little girl and is our biological child. You know who I love the most? All of them. Yeah, its cliche, but I love all of my kids the same. They are all my kids. And if you hurt any of them, I will hurt you. If you make them cry, I will make you cry. I don't care if its my special 12 year old, my mini-me 10 year old, my musically inclined 8 year old or my little princess. You hurt them and I hurt you. Is that clear?

Oh, and while I am at it, if any of my kids get in the newspaper and you call me their adoptive parent, I will make sure I call you every name in the book. Clear?

I just simply do not get it. I am a parent. I have the same obligations to my boys as I do to my daughter. I love them the same. I take care of them the same. I would do anything for any of them. I am sure Tyrann Mathieu's parents would tell you the same thing. They don't think of him as their adopted son. He sure as heck doesn't go around and say "I love you adoptive dad" or "I love you adoptive mom." He says "I love you dad" and "I love you mom."

So, dear folks in the media, why, oh why, do you try to create a difference? Its a difference that does not exist. Its a difference that you have made up for no reason. Its a difference that just creates differences. It serves no purpose. I think words should be used when they have a meaning, when they add to a story. What is added by calling his parents adoptive parents? Absolutely nothing. Its like calling someone a white running back.

Lets please stop with the nonsense. Tyrann seems like a good kid. His problems have nothing to do with being adopted and his parents are his parents, not his adoptive parents. Lets just call it like it is: he is a kid going through a rough patch and his family is there for him. I dont care if his parents adopted him, hatched him or found him on Mars. I am glad his family is there for him.

Parents are parents. As a guy who misses his parents, trust me, it doesnt matter how they become your parents. Once they are gone, you miss them tremendously.