On Character

So P!nk sings a song called Perfect. Or, if you have satellite radio, its Fuckin Perfect. (Yes, this is going to have profanity so if you don't like it, stop reading now.) The song says "if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing, You're fuckin' perfect to me." And as love songs go, or songs about one you love, its probably pretty good. Yeah, I listen to P!nk. Problem with that? I didn't think so. I also like Simon and Garfunkel, Springsteen and a whole bunch of other music.

Anyway, its not real. Its a song. And you know what I hate? I hate people who are fake. Or people who want you to think their lives are perfect. Your life is not perfect. Don't lie. Sure, someone asks you how you are, you can say "Fine" or "Good" or "Okay." But don't put up some bullshit front because you think you are fooling people.

Great, your kid is a fucking genius. Is he the next Steve Jobs? Tell me your kid is doing well at school. Don't tell me he is the smartest kid in his class at some swanky private school. A) I don't care if your kid goes to Idiot Elementary School or Genius R Us University. Its fucking school. In the grand scheme of things, school, especially elementary school, teaches us how to interact with other people and get along in society. There are plenty of smart kids who have been failures in society because they can't get along with others. 2) Your kid aint that smart. He got all A's in 4th grade? Great. Congrats. Very fucking impressive.

Oh, and you are the stud of your adult league sports team? Really? Its a fucking adult league. Its recreational. Most people who actually play sports don't play in these pansy leagues. Its not like we have to prove anything. Most of us did it when we were younger - you know, when we gave a damn about sports, when are parents paid for us to play sports. Now we want to play for fun and go to work to support our families. But I am glad you are the three sport star as a 38 year old. Does it make you feel good? I might suggest you take up underwater basketweaving or tiddlywinks as well. Maybe then you will kick ass in 5 sports against other pansies.

Oh, and your job is perfect with your ridiculous public employee pension. I am damn glad you can retire at 55 and get paid 80% of your income for the rest of your life. That is great. Get paid by the people to work and then get paid by the people to retire. It must be nice. And that job security. Sheesh. I mean, what don't you get? Do they bring you lunch and wash your car too? Do they give you a pedicure and keep your nails pretty while you sit on your fat ass, oh wait, your studly sports winning ass, and push paper from one piece of crap pile to the next? I know, you have to be soooo smart to get that job and go to one of those fancy places that has a Division I football team to get that job. You are a fucking genius and I am so happy for you.

Let me guess, your wife has a perfect fucking body too. I know, you have all that money you have, it must be nice to have plastic women as a wife. Let me guess: fake tits, a tummy tuck, lip injections, which by the way are disgusting, and probably her eyes done. That is called fake. I don't know about everyone else, but I like my women real. Like 100% real. Yeah, I know some guys like fake boobs. But fake everything? Great. Good for you. Enjoy that.

And while I am guessing, I assume you are going to brag that you are 10" and can go all night. Sure you can. And Jenna Jameson asked you to fuck her too. Or maybe Cameron Diaz. Sure. Its all fucking perfect for you.

Now to reality. Life sucks sometimes. Its not sucky, but it does suck. The rest of us have problems. I wish life was better constantly. But its not. You get dealt a raw hand sometimes. You have to put up with bad things. And bad things happen to good people. And you can't explain why. I wish I knew. But there isn't an answer. Although I may try to answer that later.

But you know what, fuck that. I don't care. I know its hard. Sometimes I sit in my car and look up at the clouds and think "What the fuck?" Sometimes I sit and look at my kids and think "I am not sure I signed up for this plan." But then I realize it. It hits me:

A man's character isn't shown when things are going well, but when things suck dick.

Think about that for a second. According to you, your life is perfect, great, amazing. Happy Fucking Birthday to you. You know what, when life is that good, its easy to be a good person. Its easy to make people think everything is wonderful. Its not rocket science.

But when you are faced with troubles, the question is then what kind of man are you? Are you the kind who is going to turn tail and run or are you the kind that is going to man up, figure out a solution and try to make the best of a bad situation? Any asshole can do good things when life is great. It takes a special asshole to do good things when life sucks.

So, congrats on your perfect fucking life. Congrats on everything being great. I mean, lets pretend that you arent a cocksucking piece of crap who lies about your failures and pretends they don't exist. I know my failures exist - big time. And people know about them. But that is okay with me. I also know that when push comes to shove, I am going to stand up, take responsibility for my failures and figure out how to make the best of the crap that life sometimes deals you. I am going to do the best I can. And if I fail or if I succeed, I know its based on me making the best damn decisions I can make. And there is no one who can sit and judge me for it.

Yeah, a man's character comes out when life sucks. You, on the other hand, are too perfect to understand.